I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
