I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
