The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
