Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
