For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
