I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
