I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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