I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
