hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
