sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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