i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
