i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Couch. On fire.
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