i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
