this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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