Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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