didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
