i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
