Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
