i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My feet surprised me
Randomize
