remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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