Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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