She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
