I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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