Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
