I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
