I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
