is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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