your parents love me but you hate me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
