Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
