At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
