We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
