Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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