I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
one two three fourrrrnication!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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