Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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