so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
