I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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