There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
