I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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