you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
