almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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