im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
