Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
