i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
