community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
