I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
