my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
