Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
