your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
