matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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