In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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